Leaving this link here because no one is actually going to read all this or care so whatever... I'm just screaming into the void...
I'm basically at my wits. I have no income, can't afford the cost of living, and often question why I should even live...? I feel like a failure... I have severe social anxiety and PTSD issues, I can't handle being around people or strangers.. I love doing edits but I suck at them and they're not profitable... I still live for the dopamine rush of when someone 'Likes' my posts though... That's the only time I feel some kind of approval...
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| Me talking to my mom |
My family is un-supportive and treats me like shit... My mom is cold, distant, an emotionally numb Trump-loving boomer. Mostly she ignores me while saying the solution to every problem in your life can 'be solved by getting a job'. For example, my sister gets assaulted by her drug dealer/boyfriend(?) and gets a concussion, my mom: "normal people get up and go to work in the morning". Meanwhile she's in another state and wasn't the one my sister came crying to at 2am, then demanded money from, then told to 'go fuck yourself' and leaves when she doesn't get money.
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| Please let Jessica Jung be my new mommy |
My dad is basically an angry, self-absorbed 12 year old. He sits in his basement smoking weed while trying to cheat on his wife on Google Hangouts. He says he met a "30 year old who just a divorced a millionaire and owns a fashion company". How stupid does he have to be to think someone would want his broke, emotionally immature ass. Smh. Meanwhile his wife is the only one working while he plays Xbox. Also not creepy he thinks he's talking to someone 2 years older than me. I hope Jessica Jung is going to be my new mommy.
The last time I saw my dad was in January. He told me and his wife he was coming to Connecticut to visit me. He lives in Maine. When he got to Connecticut he instead went to a house he believed to be a woman he met online. His dumbass got cat-fished and the owners of the home had no idea what he was talking about. After he embarrassed himself he came to my house with a 12 pack of beer, despite having been sober for around a decade.
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| This is exactly what my sister looks like |
Then there's my sister. Because both my parents live out of state I'm stuck dealing with her. She's almost 25 but has a crack problem (ex boyfriend bragged he got her off heroin and onto crack as if that's some kind of accomplishment?) and is also mentally 12. I feel like a single parent dealing with her and she's sucking the life out of me. She used to live with me but when the drug problems spiraled out of control I told her she had to choose between the drugs or living here. She chose the drugs and is now technically homeless. She bounces around a few places. I've asked her where she lives and she replies "where I feel like it". Despite not living with me she still manages to overly rely on me. She often demands I bring her to medical appointments, due to her lifestyle choices she has a lot of health problems. I'm not opposed to bringing her to medical appointments, it's the way she demands "you're going to drop what you're doing and bring me to this appointment" instead of asking. Her overall attitude is just unpleasant, rude and ungrateful. She regularly shows up at my house and takes my food even though she has foodstamps which she trades at the bodega for cash to buy drugs.
She'll randomly drop stuff on me for example calling me crying and angry saying "You need to come pick me up on the side of the road because I'm walking from another town and it's raining out" because apparently she got into an argument (probably drug related). The whole time she's asking she's yelling at me as if whatever happened is my fault. Despite saying I'm getting dressed and coming she replies "you're just an asshole, I guess you're not coming". When I find her 15 minutes later she angrily says I took an hour and I took too long.
She's robbed me before. I gave her the option of staying and having charges pressed or going to rehab, she picked rehab but only to avoid charges. To this day she's never had any remorse because "the bank paid it back". I drove her 8 hours to my dad's house in Maine while they sorted out where would take her insurance. Found a place in Florida but she didn't take it seriously. She was released to my mom's house and my mom sent her back to mine without even talking to me.
I get no support or even respect from my family. I've been saying I feel sick and I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and no one cares.
I made this ko-fi account because I love doing edits even though I suck at them.. I'm broke, desperate and want to give up and this post didn't even cover how I'm on the verge of being homeless...
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